It is eight in the morning and I feel tired and bulky already. This is the heavy side effect of Mombasa heat. I do not know what has come over the city of late, but man, it has been hooooter than usual. Honestly, it is that kind of heat that makes your head spin. It is the kind of weather that makes you a want to nap every five minutes. Self-discipline is crucial in this heat. One can either do a lot as they try to beat the brutal heat or… do a lot of nothing beating the nap fever. There are the fancy with fans in the houses which we all can agree are the woooorst!!!You either end up with a blocked nose or chest ooor you get really unlucky and catch a fucking cold in the warm weather!!See how it is twisted1!!Then there is the Air conditioner which, well, is quite expensive but if you work in a fancy office with one of these, then good for you, but brace yourself for the heat wave you will get after stepping out of the AC. Walai it feels like you are getting burnt from below!!That is when you remember and conquer that eneywe, The Earth heats from below!! Then there is the matatu culture.

Wait, first excuse my thoughts lol, huuge disclaimer, this will be one of those “OMG your thoughts are everywhere what kind of a writer are you,” random articles but, I know for suuure you will get my point.

Now where were we??, yes matatu culture, msee the matt guys usually wait, reverse and even brunch into a chum that people are walking from to get them. Then after doing all that, no one even pandas!!!Or they start arguing how “iyo stage apo ni mbao kaka”, Then the tout is like, “wee nawe kapande hizo za kwako za mbao”  And you are left wondering!! NANI AMESEMA WANAENDA DORKS in the first place!! I mean, they did not even wave or do any body movement to indicate that hey, I am headed there nibebe!!you get?? The way normal people wave down a matatu when in ACTUAL NEED!

Theeen I thought our Dandora matts made me sick with the constant play of reggae and dancehall songs in the javs, Christ !!I WAS WROOOONG!!! Welcome to the city of Diamond Platnumz. Let me say this summarily, most javs sound like this every time, well half of the time, no actually three-quarter of the time, (“wasaaaafi”)-then those usual Wasafi record beats play.{Face palm} yap, it is that bad!! Especially with how those artists under that label, all sound like Diamond himself, {heavy sigh}. What else?….. Yes! the msamiati, you have to start using words and phrases like, “Habari yako”, “jambo” and “mambo zenu” because with time, “sasa,” sounds outright disrespectful. There are the extremists who do, “shikamoo” and “Asalum Aleykum”., but I totally understand them, the struggle to blend in is real. This is particularly so, after having to deal with the constant name calling, “watu wa bara” which sincerely sucks. This reminds me of that one time I was in a serious awkward situation. So…, there I was in my favorite baggy denim shorts and a yellow tusker t-shirt, blissfully ignorant of how the outfit, especially the Tusker T makes me stand out as I wait for my turn to buy a packet of milk. Everyone who was there before me, because it was in the morning and the shop was packed greeted Hassan-the shop owner- like that, Asalam Aleykum, and there I was struggling to sound the same lol, but I said wasalam…. sigh. The struggle is so real.

Anyway, Next Shukisha!!Hard water!!I have drunk and showered with tap water -maji ya kanjo-my entire life and never have I ever come across hard water. The only thing I knew was that guys from Ongata region had brown teeth due to the salt n the water full stop. So, to come here and find water that does not lather with usual soap and that I now have to buy drinking water was not just something new but a whole new world for me. Waaaaait…. now that we are talking water I think it is prudent that I should mention how excessively one sweats in this weather, lol note how I have used HEAVILY quite a number of times?? Well, it is because you go through all the above in such an intense way that it changes you, for instance, the sweating makes you figure other parts you never knew you had, SMH, yes you sweat in places you never knew you could sweat from guys. With this, I thought aw well I can just hang in the night. Shocker!!! Sadly, unlike other counties I know, shops, SUPERMARKETS and eat out joints close up quite early here.

This is with the exception of days like terrific Tuesday where they extend by an hour and close at eleven, otherwise if you are looking to get a meal way past nineish, ole wako, most places near town are usually closed and the wachies almost half asleep. That reminds me, watchmen in tao sleeeep!!!!! Like you would pass through a bank or any other shop at ten and find them dead asleep!!at TEN!!

Hahaha, wait, I just remembered something else, in Mombasa, guys do not doze off in the matatu. Yaani guys never seem to have those long days like in Nairobi where you would find almost half of them asleep at six thirty in the morning headed to town of at eight pm headed back home. I got surprised when I once decided to nap in the jav. So, I placed my head on my arm and slept. Minutes later ,you know how you drift heavy then next minute you are up trying to play cool,mhu,I woke up and then the one seated next to me asked “Nini dada?Iko shida?” haha then I said no I was just napping then the other three at the back joined in and were like “Ni vibaya sana, waezakuwa mgonjwa na hujifahamu na hatujui” As outrageous as that was it kind of was sweet that they were worried haha, but still, people do  not nap in matatus here!!

It can be a lot to take in. The culture shock can be too much and you sometimes get homesick, but one sort of gets the hang of it. You have to anyway so that you get your tack tricks to beat the uzembe wa Mombasa.

Let me now come clean, today has just been one of those days hence the intense vent. Stay hydrated and heavy on the sunscreen good people and do not forget your hanky. Excuse the messy thoughts again, just a random post from randomly awesome babes. As usual, see you on the otheeeer siiiiide.Good vibes only??! No??Yea let’s try that keshoJJJ:


  • Posted April 4, 2018 2:45 pm 0Likes

    Favourite writer.

  • Posted April 4, 2018 3:42 pm 0Likes

    😂😂😂😂. We sleep in matatus here. I suppose wewe ni dame they had to act “concerned”. 😂😂😂

  • Posted April 7, 2018 12:53 pm 0Likes

    Mombasa things😆😆😆
    Nice article👍

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