Belonging

Belonging is one of the most important things for every person I have ever met and I would assume the same goes for all the billions of people I haven’t met. It is part of the human nature and is connected to beautiful concepts like family, friends, and home.

Sadly, to find this place where we feel we belong is not always that easy. Just having a family or friends or a place to stay doesn’t mean we actually feel that we belong. That is the case for me. I haven’t found the place yet where I say I have finally arrived and I want to stay.

I travel a lot and Kenya is the 3rd country I am living in. Before that, it was my home country and India. All countries have their advantages and in all of them, I have friends that are very important to me and that I would never want to miss for anything in my life. I am about to leave Kenya, back to my home country, back to stay with my father. I am happy to see my family and friends again, but I am also dreading the return and in opposite to my family’s hopes, I don’t want to stay. And I don’t mean just staying at my father’s house, but I mean outside of the country.

I haven’t found my place yet and I bet there are a lot of other people out there, who feel the same. Being in my home country doesn’t make me feel at home. My friends and family are the reasons I enjoy my home country, but then again the general mindset of the population is not what I feel comfortable with. I don’t like that my happiness (and that has happened in every country so far) is rated by others on the grounds of me following through with social norms – being in a relationship, having a job for the money, buying a house and getting babies, including fear of difference and the fear of losing luxury (normally doesn’t happen unless you screw up yourself). Unless I follow these norms I can’t be possibly happy in their eyes and it singles me out and makes me feel lonely. That doesn’t mean I am not happy, but it sure has an effect on my feeling of belonging and therefore also on happiness.

And there belonging comes in: I don’t feel I have enough people in my home country to connect to. Too many people don’t have the same beliefs as I do. Too many people are caught up in their prejudices against someone else.

I am personally trying to be the best person I can. That also means not judging others on their race, beliefs, clothing or any other thing that makes people the individuals they are. It is not always easy and I find myself regularly thinking not so nice thoughts – especially about people that don’t fit my mindset. I am trying a new every single day, to teach myself kindness and patience. I believe only then the feeling of belonging will come. Being kind to others gives you the opportunity for new friends and often others are kind to you.

Every individual who shows kindness, gives another person the feeling of belonging, of being in a good place. Kindness is the best cure for loneliness. Individual kindness is a small revolution in every way and we all can safely participate in it. I have written in an article before that social pressure can make people miserable (insert Link here). It can also deprive people of their belonging.

Happiness is built out of different aspects. And sadly the people around us have as much influence on it as our self-love and self-esteem. No person is isolated. No matter how confident someone is that doesn’t mean he or she can’t be affected by an outside opinion. It might not destroy that person’s self-esteem but can lead to loneliness.

I am sure I will find the place where I finally feel I belong. Who knows, it can be a person or a place. It is all just a matter of time. Till then I will enjoy traveling, experiencing new places and meeting new people.