I have personally been in several cities around the world open to dating and meeting new people. What I can say is that Nairobi is definitely special.
A friend of mine always used to happily dwell on the fact how resourceful this pulsing city is when it comes to good looking confident men. Agreed, but what else can I say? The city is resourceful in another way too – creeps!
I have met a bunch of good looking smart men and I am happy to call most of them friends I can rely on, even without officially dating them. But the way it is there is nothing funny to tell about them right now. So let me focus a little bit on the weirdos I come across almost weekly.
What I like about Nairobi is the confidence men bring along. They are not too shy to just give it a try and ask a woman of their liking for her number or a date. Thumbs up for that, cause this is the only way you might meet the person you are searching for. As in every area, success doesn’t come to those sitting around waiting. Having said that, some men should be a little shyer. Especially in the things they are saying after they showed balls and made the first move.
My dear men, in the first contact and the try to convince a woman of yourself, LESS IS MORE! You don’t need to throw it all at her on the first date or even in the try to convince her to go out. For reference maybe watch a few alien movies, because women are clearly something unknown to you. No one bursts into the first alien contact full force, at least not the smart ones in the movies. And believe me, that is what you want to come across as- smart and interesting.
So, what happened to just being normal and friendly? Don’t be boring but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to go the whole way of romance. Women are easier convinced by a great character and conversation then they are of empty and over the top gestures. Believe me!
I want to share a few examples of how not to do it.
The first guy I connected with on Tinder ages ago. We exchanged numbers and chatted a bit and then the whole conversation went quiet. For a good reason, I was bored by him. He had not much to say and conversation felt hard to continue. Several months later he messaged me again and after exchanging the small talk I hate so much and I was ready to drop it again he started the following on a Sunday morning:
Let me say this: No it is not … (whatever your name is), it is plain idiotic and comes across as really desperate. And dear men, that is something you really don’t want. A simple: Do you want to go out, would have done the deal. I would have given it a shot, you never know… A lot of people are more interesting in real life than over chat. Plus, who do you think I am, that you just request sex after 6 months silence? Something that is a general rule: If a woman wants sex with you, you will be the first person to know (or to be completely honest, the second person as her best friend will be informed before anybody else). So don’t make it your only request.
Next runner up is one of my all-time favourites: The Facebook Stalker.
He saw me once in his office, where I had some business with one of his colleagues and so he went ahead got my name from the contacts I left behind and the organization he worked with and took the liberty to design a new logo for the organization I am working for. That already shows a high amount of inappropriateness, even though I assume in goodwill that it came from a good place. But on it went off the lines of professional interaction, which would have been the only acceptable reason for him to message me.Tipp: If she doesn’t give you her contacts herself, don’t use them for purposes they were not meant to be for (another example for that coming up after this one).
So far so good, but it only got stranger and more demanding and desperate as well:
I have to admit, no one ever called me a definition of beauty and the ‘creativity’ of this pick-up line will most likely make me laugh for the rest of my life, but it is clearly over the top. Also, I already regretted knowing him. without actually knowing him. But the dear men wouldn’t let go that easily:
That was luckily finally the end of it. Now you can argue, what if the guy was really in love with me? Meehh, he hasn’t even spoken one word to me. How would he know? What if I am the biggest and dumbest female noodle out there? Furthermore, dear men, if a woman says no, leave it at that. Don’t blame her in the end that you had to do things differently than you intended because she didn’t want to. There are reasons for her not caring enough and most of the reasons will have to do with the way you started approaching her.
I have one last example before I stop my quick excursion into the Nairobian world of meeting weirdos and it is another working example. I can’t stress the point enough, that contacts should only be used for the purpose they were given for unless she (or he, as that goes both ways) gave his agreement to chatting with you outside of work as well. This specimen of desperation in its purest form came to me at a conference after I spoke on a panel. He asked me for my business card to contact me later when I am not swarmed by people as to have a conversation. Yes, arguably you could say he never said that he wanted the contacts for business, but it was an official event highly connected to professional purposes. He called me a few days later and I after the conversation I saved his name with the remark: weirdo in my phone to be warned should he call again. He didn’t but he had a very funny request after a few days through SMS.
Well, I have a few questions here too. Why would he need to know? What type of research is that? Doesn’t seem very academically and that is after giving him all the benefit of a doubt I can find in me. And then the same question as with my favourite Facebook Stalker: What if I am a tremendous bitch?
I have never answered him through Email and I am not going to. So I will answer here:
To be my boyfriend or to marry me (and actually to even get the chance to go out with me one on one, to begin with), you shouldn’t be a creep. Simple as that! Take the time to be yourself, rather than wooing me into something out of the wrong reasons. Be clear on what you want and what you think and above all don’t trust that I am stupid and will not look through those pity tries.
